Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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