Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
