my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
