I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
