Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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