She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
