I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
