Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Small penises have feelings too.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
