If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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