Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
