Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
