I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
