I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
