hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
