Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
