My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
