do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
