1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I use my feet as sexual weapons
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
