Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
