Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
