oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
