and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want to make out with him forever
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Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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