At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
