Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
