But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
