bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
