he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
