I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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