I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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