I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
