he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
