cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
