God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
