I can text with my tongue
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize