I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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