so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
