well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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