i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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