Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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