**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
