To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
