My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
