The maid of honor just puked.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
