How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
