In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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