I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So much Jack, so little girl.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
