You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
