you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
