Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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