thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
