no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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