What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
