She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
