Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love black thongs
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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