I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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