I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
