I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
