one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
