I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?