DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
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Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.