whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...