every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How does one acquire holy water?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.