xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
