my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
