I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
