I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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