There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we're making bets on your personal life
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
