so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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