Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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