Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
